Chris Pomfret of the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network reaches out to Boomers and beyond
by Mike Ferguson | Presbyterian News Service
LOUISVILLE — With “Boomers and beyond” as his target audience, Chris Pomfret, the treasurer and a board member of the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network, led a webinar last week that helped Presbyterians in their “Third Thirty” — those 60 and older — to think about and hold conversations on what they hope to accomplish late in life. More than 60 people attended.
The most recent PC(USA) statistics indicate that Pomfret was, in effect, preaching to the choir. As of 2023, 33.5% of Presbyterians were age 71 and older, with 59% 56 years and older.
Pomfret, a retired aerospace consultant, developed a downloadable resource for POAMN available here. He calls it “The Third Thirty: A Candid, Spiritual Exploration of Realities and Challenges We Face in the Years 60-90.” Designed to help small groups hold informal discussions over at least 12 sessions, topics include “Being Parents to Parents,” “How Does God Want Us to Live Out the Final Third of Our Lives?” and “The Ten Commandments of Faith and Fitness.”
During the webinar, which can be viewed here, Pomfret said an emphasis on the Third Thirty, a term he began using 12 years ago while caring for his aging parents, exists “so the last one-third of our lives can be as much fun as possible, for us, for our loved ones and for those around us.”
“I believe this is a multi-generational thing,” Pomfret said, and “not just for us oldies. If we become comfortable with aging and accept it, it’ll be a lot better for everyone.”
“We know mental and physical capabilities degrade,” he said of the aging process. “It’s how we accommodate them” that can make a difference. But it takes preparation and conversation.
As soon as 2031, 9 in 10 Americans will have survived into their eighth decade. “We need to be humbled, aware, ready and mindful of how this will affect our lives,” Pomfret said. “You have to decide how you will live during the Third Thirty.”
He said just 8% of American have talked about how they’ll handle the last third of their lives, and only 5% have discussed the matter with their children. “I’d like to see those figures grow,” he said, “as we recognize the challenges of aging.”
After displaying a graph showing most people’s physical and mental capabilities drop off precipitously later in life, Pomfret shared this bit of good news: As we age, we grow spiritually. “We become more and more aware we have the strength of spirit,” Pomfret said, “to help us through these challenging times.”
When Pomfret was helping to care for his parents in 2012, Billy Graham published “Nearing Home: Life, Faith and Finishing Well.” In the book, Graham lamented that no one taught him how to live well in the years preceding his death, “and I wish they had,” Pomfret said, quoting the evangelist. Graham noted the best way to meet the challenges of old age is to prepare for them before they arrive. He also warned against resenting growing old, because “many are denied the privilege.” Have a plan for retirement, Graham advised, and Pomfret adds this caveat: “Think it out, but maybe don’t change too many things at once.”
Pomfret used Zoom’s chat feature to take a couple of quick polls. He first asked, “What are the things we fear as we age?”
Answers included, “not being able to do the things I love,” “running out of money,” “housing,” “chronic illness,” “being told what to do,” “being unable to drive,” “losing my partner,” “dementia,” “being a burden,” “isolation and loneliness,” “being regarded as ‘less than,’” “becoming irrelevant,” and “becoming boring and unable to grow intellectually.”
Pomfret said that options for addressing our fear include leaving it in God’s hands, figuring it out as things happen, ignoring it because it’s too depressing to even think about or — better still — adopting the same approach many of us have taken to preparing financially and putting our affairs in order. That means “confronting our fears so we can control the situation as best we can,” Pomfret said, “and thus minimizing the impact on us and our immediate families.”
Pomfret’s second snap poll was around housing options and solutions available as we age. Responses included “aging in place with accommodations,” “moving to a nursing home,” “downsizing to a smaller place with less maintenance,” “living in a multigenerational home,” “moving to a retirement community or apartment complex with people 70 and older” and “living in my already modified home.”
Pomfret recommends an alliterative three-pronged approach to embrace the Third Thirty:
- Pray to accept the reality of aging, including “how to finish strong and how to let go of all we’ve been used to” in order to “minimize the burden to survivors.”
- Plan by engaging some what if’s, such as what we would do if we suddenly had to move.
- Prepare by starting to declutter “and talking to loved ones about your future and the expected happenings of the Third Thirty.”
Pomfret encouraged webinar participants to use the Third Thirty curriculum in their churches or in groups outside the church. “The conversation is vibrant,” he said. “If you start a discussion group, it’s a forum for open discussion of a topic that is otherwise shunned. It helps those who are struggling to find a sense of purpose.”
“Maybe it will bring in younger generations too,” he said. “Teenagers will want to help you, but they have to be shown the things you need help with.”
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